Upcoming birthday

This time last year I was preparing for unexpected surgery to remove what remained of the tumor in my sinuses.

My imagination was spinning with terror. This was not the plan.

The surgery was on April 13th and went very well. I was released the day before my 30th birthday.

Not quite the celebration I imagined.

The surgery went very well. I had very little pain and was released the next day.

I was officially cancer free, yet it would be months before they could tell if the surgery was successful.

Any sense of relief alluded me...

Its almost a year later.

I began writing with the intention of expressing gratitude and excitement for the change in my health since my last birthday.

Instead I am finding a deeper appreciation for last year's gift -- my life.

My birthday has become more than a celebration of my birth.

Where am I going?

As my body heals there is a voice in my mind.

It started quietly. Just a twitch. A moment that passed quickly and shallow.

No evidence remained of its visit.

Time passed.

Its become more persistent. More loud. More demanding. Lingering.

Etching itself deeper.

The people around me hear it too.

"What about work?" It asks.

In my journey, I've died and been reborn many times.

Each time I am more connected. Less attached. More open.

I have been given the time and space to become myself. To heal. To listen.

This insistence on work persists.

How do I "work" and continue on my path of healing?

Which passions do I share? Which do I keep private?

What gifts do I have to offer? What do I want to receive?

What is it that I am seeking?